Tips for Budding Writers

 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences WITH.

 3. AND don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

 4. Even today, it is usually wrong to EVER split an infinitive.

 5. Avoid clichés like the plague (they're old hat).

 6. Also, always avoid annoying ALLITERATION.

 7. Be more or less specific.

 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant)
      are (usually) unnecessary.

 9. Also, too, never, ever, use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

12. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than
      are necessary; it is highly superfluous.

13. One should NEVER generalise.

14. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

15. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations etc.

16. One word sentences?  ELIMINATE.

17. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.

18. Never use a big word when a DIMINUTIVE one will suffice.

19. Use words correctly, IRREGARDLESS of how others use them.

20. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth
      earth-shaking ideas.

... and Students of English.

Not forgetting those, like me, who failed to get a
'Kellogg's Top' in English Language,
an Oxbridge First in Classics,
or a Deputy's Ticket!

•   •   ◊   •   •

21. Eliminate quotations.  As Ralph Waldo said: "I hate quotations.
      Tell me what you know."

22. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist
      HYPERBOLE; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

23. Puns are for children, not GROAN readers.

24. Tread carefully to avoid COLLOQUIALISMS.

25. If a MIXED METAPHOR floats into view, nip it in the bud.

26. Who needs RHETORICAL questions?

27. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

28. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Thanks to Keith Hallam for making his writing tips public, and
'me auld Marra', Fred Furkle, for sending them to us.