Introduction:

The chairman welcomed everyone to the meeting and introduced today's guest speaker, Professor Cosmo Quotations of the Wide Open University, who had been invited to give a short talk on the punctuation of speech. Sir Thomas went on to say that, following a request made at last month's meeting, two representatives from the Ministry of Grammatical Affairs, Felicity and Raich, were in attendance to give brief presentations regarding the avoidance of split infinitives and the use of the pronouns 'who' and 'whom'. He then invited each delegate in turn to outline the minimum standards of punctuation required within their respective departments.

Alan Apostrophe '

1) The apostrophe marks the omission of a letter in certain words, e.g.

• don't  for  do not.
• won't  for  will not.
• I'll  for  I will  or  I shall.
• it's  for  it is.   But NOT its as in: The dog played with its ball.

Alan informed the meeting that the above abbreviated forms should be avoided in formal writing and he also stated that the use of an apostrophe in the possessive form of its is severely frowned upon.

2) The apostrophe also denotes possession, e.g.

• the dog's bone.     (It belongs to a particular dog.)
• the dogs' bone.     (It belongs to all the dogs.)
• the lady's gloves.   (They belong to a particular lady.)
• the ladies' gloves.  (They belong to all the ladies.)

Alan concluded his presentation by stating that the plurals of certain words like MPs, bananas and 1960s are often written MP's, banana's and 1960's. This is incorrect and people should restrict the use of apostrophes to certain abbreviations and the possessive, not the plural of nouns.

Caroline Comma ,

The comma marks the shortest pause in a sentence and, when used correctly, has two main uses:

1) To replace the word 'and' in separating a series of words:

• I saw Ruby, Alexander, Joseph, Sebastian and Daisy in the garden.
• The car braked, skidded and finally screeched to a halt.

• Note: the word before 'and' takes a comma in the following instance:
   
• Her favourite shops were Harrods, John Lewis, and Marks and Spencer.
•  
  Without the comma after John Lewis it might appear that Marks and Spencer were two different shops.

2) To separate words into sensible groups:

• Will you, when you have time, please write to me?
• Henry the Eighth, King of England, had six wives.
• Having looked at the menu, I chose onion soup.
• Christopher wanted to argue, but the teacher wouldn't let him.

Sidney Semicolon ;

The semicolon marks a longer pause than a comma, but a shorter one than a colon or a full stop.

1) It is often used to separate two independent, closely related sentences:

• Bill caught the morning train; he was anxious to arrive as early as possible.
• Hansel staggered back horrified; the witch was coming towards him.
•   
  Note: The first word after the semicolon does not start with a capital letter.

2) The semicolon is also used to divide the items introduced by a sentence ending in a colon:

• There were many things to notice about this extraordinary room: the dusty sheets covering almost everything; the threadbare carpets; the plaster crumbling from the walls; and, above all, the sinister statues.

Anyone who is uncertain about using the semicolon can simply avoid it; it can, however, be a very useful punctuation mark.

Christopher Colon :

The colon, indicating a longer pause than a semicolon, is now used almost exclusively to precede simple lists (separated by commas), summaries (separated by semicolons) or quotations:

• The doctor noted various symptoms: high blood pressure, migraine and nausea.
• Lauren quickly summarized what she wanted to do: go to Newcastle on the train; shop in the morning; have lunch in a nice restaurant; shop in the afternoon; and finally, see The Sound of Music at the Theatre Royal.
• The writing on the wall ran: All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

Elsie Ellipsis ...

Ellipses are used to show that words have been omitted from a sentence or quotation:

• This quotation has been shortened by representing the missing words with an ellipsis ... but I was careful not to change its meaning.

In informal writing the ellipsis can represent a trailing off of thought:

• If I'd seen her in the station perhaps I could have ...  Oh, never mind.

An ellipsis can also be used to show hesitation:

• The thing is ... it was all my fault!

Kathryn Capital-Letter

The first word of a sentence always begins with a capital letter. Capital letters are also use for:

• Proper Names: Eric, Ronnie, Rome and India.
• Two word geographical names: Mount Everest and River Tyne.
• The days of the week and months of the year.
• The first word in direct speech: He said, "Run for your life!"
• Names of organisations and titles: Department of Transport, Lord Nelson.
• First and other important words in the titles of books, plays, films, etc: The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire.

Frederick Full-Stop .

A full stop indicates the end of a sentence and is very easy to use:

• This sentence has ended.

However, care should be taken to avoid overuse, as the effect tends to look rather childish, e.g.
      Please call me in the morning. I have something important to discuss. I'll be at home until ten o'clock. It'll only take a few minutes.

It would obviously read better as:
      Please call me in the morning as I have something important to discuss. I'll be at home until ten o'clock and it'll only take a few minutes.

Freddie also pointed out that question and exclamation marks do not take full stops after them.

Quentin Question-Mark ?

The question mark is used in one way only:

After a direct question:

• Do you love me?

It is never used after an indirect question:

• He asked whether she loved him.

Edward Exclamation-Mark !

Exclamation marks are also easy to use:

Try to confine them to true exclamations:

• Help!
• Long live the king!

They may, however, be used as follows:

• You look as fit as a fiddle!
• She even went so far as to complain to the bishop!

Reverend Desmond To-Too

Reverend To-Too explained the difference between to, too and two, as follows:

Two is always a number.

• One, two, three ...
• I only had two pints!

To has two uses.

    Firstly, when it precedes a noun (a place, a thing, a person etc.):

• I'm going to Newcastle this afternoon.
• This CD belongs to the local dance group.
• Give that book to Harry.

    Secondly, it indicates an infinitive (see Felicity below) when it precedes a verb (an action word):

• I'm going to eat my sandwiches.
• I'd like you to read your poem aloud.
• We all want to help.

Too also has two uses.

    Firstly, it can mean 'also' or 'as well':

• Can we go too?
• That's mine too.

    Secondly, it's used to indicate an excessive amount:

• I'm too tired.
• You're walking too quickly.
• She drinks too much!

Belinda Brackets ()

Brackets are used to enclose a parenthesis (an explanation, or additional information) in a sentence.

The contents of the brackets should have no connection to the grammar and sense of the rest of the sentence e.g.

• The experiment described (see pages 6-10) is wonderful to watch.

Punctuation marks should always be placed outside the closing bracket if they belong to the sentence:

• The experiment described is wonderful to watch (see pages 6-10).

If the opening bracket introduces a new and complete sentence, the punctuation goes inside the closing bracket:

• The large wooden door creaked open. (By now I was shaking with fear.)

Occasionally punctuation marks are placed inside the closing bracket of a parenthesis which is inserted at the end or in the middle of the main sentence.

• I walked into the garden (how it had changed!) and waited patiently for Anne to arrive.

David Dash -

Belinda then asked David to explain the difference between dashes and brackets.

The double dash can be used, like brackets, to introduce an explanation or additional information that is grammatically independent of the main sentence. They do, however, suggest a more abrupt tone.

• The director announced - as the staff suspected - that the firm was going into liquidation.

A single dash introduces an explanation or amplification of what immediately precedes it:

• They had brought flour, butter, sugar and eggs - all the ingredients for a cake.

Felicity Split-Infinitive

Felicity reminded everyone that English verbs (whose most basic form is called The Infinitive) include the word 'to'  e.g. to go; to buy; to swim.
A split infinitive occurs when 'to' is separated from the rest of the verb by an adverb (a word ending in 'ly'). Most split infinitives can be identified immediately because they usually sound awful.

Example

• To gracefully dance is an art form. (A split infinitive sentence.)
• To dance gracefully is an art form. (Grammatically correct and better sounding.)

It's now generally accepted that there are many instances when a split infinitive is justified. The easiest rule to remember is: avoid splitting an infinitive, except when there is a danger that the meaning of your sentence will be ambiguous or the wording will sound awkward.

Felicity ended her presentation by quoting the most famous split infinitive of all: 'Space… the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.'

Horatio Whomangler

Raich began by pointing out the difference between the Subject and the Object in a sentence. In 'The woman shouted at a man standing on the grass.' the woman is the Subject because she performs the action of the main verb - she does the shouting. The man is the Object of the action because he is the one who is shouted at. Raich then continued with what he called a 'who dunnit' question:

When constructing a 'who dunnit' question:

Use Who when you need to know the person doing the main action. (The Subject)
Use Whom when you need to know the person receiving the action. (The Object)

Examples:

• Right:    Who shouted at the man?    (The Subject shouted at the man.)
• Wrong:  Whom shouted at the man?

• Right:    To whom was the shout directed?    (The Object was shouted at.)
• Wrong:  To who was the shout directed?

Raich concluded by saying that this is a very difficult subject to grasp but, in general, if you assume that the person you are enquiring about is a man, and if the answer to the question could be 'hiM', then use 'whoM'.

Cosmo Quotations " "

Quotation Marks denote direct speech and may be either single or double, though single quotation marks are preferable. To avoid lots of rules, the professor restricted his presentation to giving examples of the correct use of quotation marks:

• 'It will be dark soon; we must leave immediately.'
• 'All right,' she said.
• 'Where is Philip?' roared the giant, his tone suddenly angry.
• 'I did it!' he said, 'in the library, with the candlestick.'
• 'I think I'll wait here,' said the old lady. 'It's starting to rain.'   [or alternatively,]
• 'I think I'll wait here,' said the old lady, 'it's starting to rain.'

Sir Thomas Tome

The Chairman thanked everyone for their attendance and contributions, with special thanks to guest speaker Professor Quotations.  He then urged everyone to spread the word that reading was one of life's great pleasures and, acknowledging that struggling through one's first few novels could be a bit of a challenge, the effort would pay immense dividends when the reading habit took hold.  He finished by saying:
"Whether it be Classics, Detective Fiction, Horror Stories, even Viz Magazine; read, enjoy and learn!"  The Chairman then closed the meeting.

© R. Spelk   ... but feel free to use or amend this idea as you wish.

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