Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle

( or, Why Quantum Physicists are Lousy Lovers! )

So now you know ... or maybe not!

[ 1964:  At bait time in Follingsby Colliery 'Lectric Shop, we apprentice electricians talked of little else.  Ask Keith and Jim. ]

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The Uncertainty Principle explains with absolute clarity why Quantum Physicists are lousy lovers:
'When they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when
they have the momentum, they can't find the position!'

•   •   ◊   •   •

A Few Particles of Physics

1. A neutron walked into a bar and asked, 'How much for a single malt whisky?'
    The bartender replied, 'For you, ... no charge!'

2. Two atoms were crossing a field when one of them exclaimed, 'I think I've lost an electron!'
    'Really!' the other replied, 'Are you sure?'
    'Yes, I'm absolutely positive.'

3. Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?

4. Question: How many theoretical physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
    Answer: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

5. A physics student hurriedly boards a train. Seeing Einstein, he asks, 'Excuse me, professor. Does Durham stop at this train?'

6. Sir Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree one fine day, trying to figure out how gravity works. Then suddenly it hit him!

7. My physics professor said I had potential. Then he pushed me off the building!

8. A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. 'No,' he says, 'I'm travelling light'.

9. Two neutrinos go through a bar ...

10. Einstein developed a theory about space ... and about time too!

[ I bet the grandkids get them all! ]